Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize