It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
