the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
