Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
