its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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