i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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