omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
