I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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