Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
