shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
