Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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