I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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