some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
