You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
