You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
