That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
