Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
And then he peed in my hair
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
