The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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