Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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