theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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