I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
