my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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