Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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