In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
