idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You're like the curious george of whores
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
