I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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