Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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