Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
