I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
