We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
