We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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