ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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