puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
