Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
