I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
