My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
