capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
