My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
did you just send me my own nude
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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