Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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