i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
