In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
