So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
tonight lets celebrate not being married
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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