don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
