Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
