My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Pooping to opera.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
