do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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