Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
