I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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