i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
