Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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