i don't like sucking hair
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize