Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
