i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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