There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hippo gnu deer
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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