Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You were trust falling into bushes
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
