there's paper in my vomit.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
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Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.