I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
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i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina