somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
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I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
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If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.