this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
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Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
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I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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