but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
