Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I need to calm my uterus...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Panties = found
Randomize
