i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
