is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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