The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
foreskin is a definite game changer
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
