At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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