I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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